What Is Sexual Communication?
It’s time we acknowledged the importance of sexual communication between consenting adults.
When 26-year-old Archana (name changed) failed to orgasm during intercourse with her husband even after two years into their marriage, she knew something wasn’t quite right. However, she didn’t communicate her worries to her husband fearing it would either hurt his ego or that he would judge her.
Archana did not realize that a lack of honest sexual communication would affect their marriage and her mental wellness. When she finally opened up to a relationship expert, she was advised of couple’s therapy and the solution was simple: Archana needed to be stimulated before the act of penetration.
For a woman, orgasm during sex has a lot to do with receiving the right sexual stimulation and also on her state of mind, unlike the belief that orgasms depend only on penetration. However, due to societal taboos, women often fail to communicate the same to their partners, leaving them both dissatisfied. It is necessary not just for women, but for all couples, to express their sexual needs and desires.
According to Counselling Psychologist Ruchi Ruuh, ‘sex talk’ impacts more than just your sex life; it helps you connect with your partner on a deeper level. “Talking about sex helps your partner understand if what they do works for you or if they need to change something to be better lovers,” she said.
So, what are the benefits of sexual communication, and how to initiate it?
Influence of Sexual Communication
It is important for you and your partner to communicate your desires and limitations without the fear of being judged. Sexual communication between two consenting adults can create a healthy boundary, which can be navigated without fear or judgment by the partners.
Remember to be gentle yet honest, in order to minimize any sort of awkwardness during the communication or while lovemaking. Try to make the other person feel involved and loved, but present your concerns and needs in clear terms. Nobody is a mind reader, and your partner will probably be more than happy to know what turns you on and what doesn’t.
Problems Hindering Communication and Intimacy
Since most Indians grow up in families that consider discussions around sex and pleasure a taboo, one hardly develops the right language to make their needs known even as adults.
The society we live in has instilled so much fear in us that even couples find it challenging to discuss topics of intimacy. The result can be manifold – while many continue to live in sexless marriages for years, others develop physical and mental ailments.
For healthy sexual communication, it is important to talk about your own needs and to also accept feedback. Boost your sexual intelligence and confidence by creating a two-way flow of communication.
Sex Deprivation Can Lead to Mental Issues
While sexual communication helps partners feel more comfortable pleasing each other, the absence of a healthy discussion can result in frustration and a lack of sex drive. According to experts, sex deprivation can lead to mental issues that harm relationships in the long run.
Marital therapists often advise couples to use sexual communication as a tool to improve the overall relationship.
Initiating sexual communication can seem daunting even in the most loving of relationships because it is inherently different from the communication of non-sexual issues. While partners may feel vulnerable and even uncomfortable in the beginning, the rewards of transparency can be many.
Sexual Pleasure and Sexual Health Are Interlinked
Sexual pleasure is always a result of healthy sexual practices between consenting adults. When two people come together to build a relationship based on love and trust, it is advisable to bring the same transparency to their sex life.
Instead of trying to guess what your partner likes or disapproves of, why not ask what works for them. “What kind of birth control should we use?” or “Are there parts of your body where you don’t want to be touched?” or “What kind of foreplay do you enjoy?” are some great questions to initiate sexual communication. Also, help your partner ask questions that are important to you.
Remember that it is perfectly normal to feel vulnerable and that it is okay to move at your own pace while ensuring the comfort of your partner. Sex is a complex and multifaceted subject and talking about it requires patience, time, and practice.
Byline: Debarati Chakraborty